Is it perfection-ism or meeting a nervous system need?

Many times I thought I was being a perfectionist, when really: I just needed to know what to expect.

Being able to anticipate changes and have an idea of what to expect supports my nervous system needs.

I used to think I was “too particular” or “ridiculous” for stipulating specific information I needed to feel capable of a task or attending an event.

I was called a perfectionist. Type A.

I was told to stop. To go with the flow.

(Trust me; I’d love the ability to do so).

I’ve worked on my anxiety and OCD.

I’ve worked on my biases and judgments.

I’ve worked on my mindset and attitude.

Still; these needs persisted.

So then, when I learned how to apply the (actually) Neurodiversity Affirmative way of approaching and practicing therapy and applied it to how I live - it dawned on me:

All of that initial thinking was putting Neuronormative expectations on me - and they didn’t work.

I was working ON (suppressing) my anxiety and OCD when I really had nervous system needs.

I was working against my very real needs in order to meet the expectations of the majority understanding of how a person “ should be” in the society I exist within.

It’s taken quite the paradigm shift to change this understanding.

Now, I can work WITH my needs, recognizing I don’t always have to focus on changing what’s naturally me.

Just wanted to share in case this is relevant for anyone else.

Disclaimer: while I am a therapist, I cannot offer advice or therapy via my blog.

This is not meant to be used as a diagnostic tool and is not therapy.