In this blog post I will be using the term “relationship” to mean any and all types and forms - family, friends, romantic, etc. as this is a general explanation of some specific areas we can be more aware of in being a Neurodivergent human in relationships with others as well as professionals working with and supporting Neurodivergent people.

Neurodivergent Attachment

Neurodivergent people feel connected and safe with other people in different ways from our Neurotypical peers. While there is little written about Neurodivergent attachment patterns and styles, learning from Neurodivergent people on how they feel attached to others - it is clear: we have different ways of being attached to others and we need to have this better understood. Our healthy relationships can be very different from what is generally known and accepted by Neuronormative societal standards.

Neurodivergent Communication

Both learning from Neurodivergent people and the research on different styles of communication (there is research on Autistic communication, for example) we know Neurodivergent communication is different. The most widely used evidence-based therapies and especially couples counseling methods do not include Neurodivergent communication styles and instead encourage suppression and changing these. 

Neurodivergent Connection

Neurodivergent people report (in online forums, groups, etc.) feeling connected to other people in different ways than Neurotypical folks report. “Parallel play” and “body doubling” are two example of this where we are not actively engaged with the other person in the Neuronormative expected ways - yet many of us feel connected to other people in our lives while engaged in both parallel play and body doubling. 

Neurodivergent Needs

As we know all humans have a variety of needs, recognizing many Neurodivergent neurotypes are also disabilities - our needs within relationships may be significantly different than our non-Neurodivergent peers. 

Neurodivergent people are often expected to suppress our needs and learn to mask or perform different neuronormative societal expectations, instead of recognizing and meeting our needs. This impacts relationships in so many ways - one of which is: people cannot feel as attached and connected nor communicate as effectively if their needs are not met. 

It is important to recognize how our unique needs as Neurodivergent people deserve to be met and how this will serve to improve our ability to connect with others and foster safer, healthier relationships with other people in our lives.

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More specifics on each of the above topics (such as Neurodivergent communication and connection) to come in future blog posts!

You can read my blog post on Neurodivergent Attachment here: https://www.neuroclaritycounseling.com/affirming-therapy/attachment-theory-neurodiversity